I like to believe

That all creatures great and small

Are made in God’s image

And one should love them all

 

But along came a someone

Who reminded me once more,

That some make you feel loved

And some just make you sore

 

This particular someone,

Let’s call her Elle

A true wolf in sheep skin

To the world, a belle

 

Behind closed doors however,

A dementor, a vampire

Sucking life out of you

A hypocrite, a liar

 

Which I truly wish

Was the end of the list

But we have only just begun

Let me give you the gist

 

Overprotected and spoilt

Pampered to a fault

Never had to face the world

Like a grown ass adult

Selfish to a fault

Never truly loved another

Not her husband or children

A sister or brother

 

Never made a damn effort

To built a true friendship

Or even with her children

A healthy relationship

 

Everyone in her life

A mere means to an end

No respect for people

And never one to bend

 

Even if she’s at fault

She rather project

The blame and hatred

Than pause and reflect

 

On how she might have been wrong

To control and manipulate

Everyone to suit her

For her ego to inflate

 

One likes to believe

And not just for token

That life can make you bitter,

That no one’s born broken

 

That everyone deserves love,

Trust, compassion and respect

One should always try to see

The best of the best

 

In others around them

But sometimes some people

Especially wicked, vindictive ones

Can get you cursing

 

At how she’s hurting

What you hold dear

And even herself

But I wouldn’t shed a tear

 

On someone who can’t bear

To see another at peace

A bully and a sadist

Wanting her family on a leash

 

I know this sounds horrid

And maybe I’m unfair

That there may be redemption

Once she begins to share

 

Her sorrows, her mistakes

Perhaps a shred or remorse

Instead of saying ‘I’m perfect’

Saying ‘I can change, of course’

 

It’s a pity and a sin

That she may never see

The bad karma she’s earned

Will never let her be

 

Truly at peace

Until the day she repents

For all the hurt she has caused

And makes proper amends

 

 

Mujhe desh chhode 9 saal ho gaye. Us desh mein main padhi pali, waqt ko aage badhte dekha, apne aap ko Hindustani kehne mein garv mehsoos karti thi, karti hoon. Par pichle kuch salon mein, main ne desh ki dasha aur disha dono ko bigadte hue dekha hain.

Jo desh apne sanskaar ke liye jaana jata tha, wahaan khule aam log pitthte dikh rahe hain, jo desh apni aazadi ke liye Angrezon se bhid gaya, woh aaj desh drohiyon ke neeche dab gaya hai. Jis desh mein har chhoti baat par behes aur charcha hoti thi, wahaan ab kisi ko bhi bolne ki azaadi nahi hai.

Brahshtachaar, berozgari, nirdhanta, desh mein yeh sab pehle bhi tha par ab lag raha hai ki desh ki haalat itni buri pehle kabhi na thi. Pichle kahi saalon mein humne varn vyvastha, varg vibhaajan aur purush prata sampradhay ki khilaaf jo big kadam uthaaye gaye hain, sab mitti mein mil rahe hain. Mano ki desh vasiyon ko daba ke rakhne ke liye desh ne sanchaalakon ne use do kadam peeche kheench liya hai.

Logon ka mazaak banake rakh diya hai. Desh mein galat fehmi, dehshak aur nafrat fehla rahe hain yeh log. Khud toh bewakoofiyaan bolte aur karte hain, upar se baaki sab ko bhi apne jaisa samajhte hain. Yeh sab kya kam tha jo samachaar patr, akaashvaani, doordarshan, sab ko kharid kar unke maadhyam se apni bewakoofiyon ka dhindhora peethte hain. Do paise ki akal nahi hai, ek paise ki siksha nahi, ghar chalane ki aukaad nahi aur desh chalaane nikle hain.

Saam, daam, dandh, bhedh, sab hathkhande apnaaye, rajya ko apne vash mein rakh ne ke liye. Aur ab tak zyaada tar unki jeet hi hui hai, par laalach mein andhe har insaan se jo galtiyaan hoti hain, woh unse bhi ho rahi hain. Desh vaasiyon se woh jitna sach chhupaane ki koshish kar rahe hain, utna hi baahar waalon ko unki sachaai dikhaayi de rahi hai. Bahaari deshon mein in baaton ko le kar charcha hoti hai, log haste hain hum par. Ek do patrakaaron ne desh ki sanchaalakon ki jhooti taarif kya karli, unhe laga ki sachaai se logon ka dhyaan bhatak jaayega. Par kya kare, social media ka zamaana hai bhai, jo sachaai sun na chaahte hai, un tak baat pahunch hi jaati hai.

Log bhul rahe hain ki hum Angrezon se aazadi isliye pa sake the kyunki logon ko sehen karne ki seema paar ho chuki thi, dheere dheere ek andolan sa umadh raha tha desh mein, aur bas, baaki itihaas gawah hai.

Waqt ke saath saath log badalte hai, desh badalta hai, aur badlaav toh sansaar ka neeyam bhi hai. Aur ummeed karti hoon ki is kaari raat ke baad aazadi ki subah phir lautegi. 

Amanush

Ek ummeed lekar aaye
Ghar dwaar inke, par
Swagat toh na kiya lekin
Haq jataaya hum par

Shuruwaat mein thi chhoti
Phir badd gaye shikwe gile
Ek aankh nahi bhaate unko
Jab bhi hum unse mile

Mile aise log
Kutte, kaminey, khudgarz
Sab bhulaaya, sab kiya maaf
Samajh kar apna farz

Socha waqt denge unhe
Aakhir woh bhi hain insaan
Yehi toh galti hui humse
Nikle woh haiwaan

Saanp bahut dekhe jeewan mein
Lekin itne zehreeley nahin
Darti hoon waqt aane par apne
Bacchon ko dass na jaaye kahin

Buddhi bhrasht hui meri
Jo inko samajhne chali
Inse pyaar kiya, inka saath diya
Pal pal chaddhakar apni bali

Ab bas, ab bahut hua
Rishta toda, toda saath
Aur zalil nahi hona
Ab apni izzat apne haath

Something weird's happening.  .  .and it's not a bad thing.  .  . 

Ok so maybe I'm not making much sense but give me a chance. Over the years, I've spoken of  everything from personal problems to social issues but today, well at least for the moment and for the post, I have nothing negative to talk about! This weird sensation has swept over and I feel at peace with myself and the world around me. It seems like something that may have happened over time but it feels like a overnight change, and there are couple of changes I've noticed.

Firstly, I'm not overtly emotional; ok so I wasn't always over emotional. Infact, I was a bit on the aloof and indifferent side and then, a life changing course and some really close friends later, I became more emotionally available and responsive and that was a good thing, and then one bad occurrence after another snowballing into one big mess, me. Life felt heavy with never ending health problems, lack of appreciation and loneliness. Those who I thought would stick by me walked away when it suited them, while others, well unwittingly yet willingly gave me strength and support. And somewhere in the midst of all these ups and downs, I just stopped getting upset over small things, became a more cheerful version of myself and now I feel less ashamed of the person I am. 

Secondly, I no longer allow people to hurt me anymore. Friends, ahem ex friends are not a sore topic for me anymore. While I had moved on from blaming myself to realising their flaws a long back, the thought of how they treated me still hurt and I often thought of reconciliation. Something very interesting happened recently. So I wished one of these ex friends Happy Birthday and for the first time in so many years, I actually got a reply asking how I was. I knew I wasn't going to get another chance so I was frank yet polite and asked if this person was just being cordial or was actually ready to talk about what happened all those years ago. Normally, I would get upset about how rude, cold and self serving he was to not respond to my mail but this time, I felt nothing! I'm not mad at this person for being a jerk! No sorrow, no hurt, no bitterness, nothing :-) and, now I'm finally done thinking of any reconciliation :-D

Thirdly, I care about myself. Now you are probably wondering well what's so weird about that, don't we all? For me however, in a myriad of health problems, I was upset and disappointed to say the least about what was happening. I had not only given up hope about getting healthy again, I had also stopped caring and stopped trying to do something about it. My main concern was my massive weight gain over the years because of all these issues and all I could think about was how to lose it. Nothing I had tried so far had worked for me, therefore nothing would as far as I was concerned. But now, I've stopped obsessing about weight loss. For once, I've stopped caring about the right kind of things. Not caring about weight means I'm focussing on my stamina, metabolism, core strength and diet, the things I should have been caring about right from the beginning :-)

Last but very very important change in me is my drop in social anxiety. Now not many people know this about me, but I'm a shy person, especially in a new crowd. There was a point where I would avoid any situations where I was required to meet new people, talk to strangers, make new friends or talk in a big group. Even simple tasks like driving on the freeway or going to a new place would give me butterflies in my tummy. While I still enjoy staying at home or spending time alone, I'm no longer anxious about more social interactions, or meeting new people. I'm even considering learning new skills, traveling a bit and do things I've never done before :-)

I'm not sure what has brought over this dramatic wave of positivity over a genetically pessimistic person like me, but I think my daughter has had a lot to do with it. Spending time with her, doing things for her and watching her grow has helped me grow as a person too :-) you often hear of people saying things like 'motherhood has changed me' but it's usually accompanied by talks of time management, being more emotional, changing priorities and multitasking. For me, the change has been on a spiritual level; I feel like a new person with less baggage, more joy and above all, more confidence. I look after my health while caring for my little one, I take no crap from anyone and I choose to socially interact more. My husband continues to support me more than ever in all my efforts and as for those jerks of my life, you will never hurt me again, ever!

I'd like to talk about forgiveness today. No, this is not some preachy lecture about how you need to forgive others for your peace of mind etc. Of late, I've been viewing forgiveness in a slightly different light.

I see forgiveness as a spectrum now, allow me to explain. There are varying degrees of forgiveness and since I don't have clear definitions or words for them, I can only explain with examples of situations in which you would probably need to forgive. The first would be, say, someone borrowed your most favourite book and managed to lose it. The second, someone mocks you or are insensitive towards you. Third, a person out rights hurts, insults and humiliates you.

Now, I don't think it's impossible to forgive someone under either of those types of circumstances but I believe that it's dependant on a number of factors. Firstly, it depends on whether this person was a loved one or not. Sometimes it's easier to forgive a stranger than to forgive a friend and I think it's because you love and trust your friend and an event such as this can hamper that. It's easier to hate someone, if things reach such a point, if you've loved them once, rather than if you were indifferent to them.

And how many people actually say sorry for what they have done? Personally, all I need is a heartfelt apology and I can genuinely forgive and move on. Some people though, either are too thick to realise what they've done wrong or their ego would not allow them to apologise. I suppose you can still forgive people despite no apology, and that brings me to my next point.

Forgiveness doesn't necessarily have to be black or white (as in, either you forgive or you don't). You can either wholeheartedly forgive someone and not think about it, and I have done that many a times, or, in particularly hard situations, you can still forgive but always remember what they did. The forgive but don't forget rule that I have. It's important not to forget so as not to give people opportunities to hurt you in the same manner again.

Now here's another thought- is it possible to undo the forgiveness? This might seem bizarre but this happened to me. Many years ago when I had a falling out with a friend, despite the harsh treatment I'd received, I had forgiven him. . .till recently. Yes, I no longer forgive him and here's why. When things went awry all those years back, I believed I was to blame and that I deserved what I got. But with time, love and support, I was able to look back at those events in a much more clear light and realised that I did not deserve what I got, that I had not committed a crime and did not deserve to be treated like filth. It took me years to stop blaming myself unnecessarily and once I did that, I felt that a person who misled me and does not even regret it, does not deserve my forgiveness!

In conclusion, I think it's ok not to forgive someone, it doesn't mean you are incomplete or petty. In fact, having someone to hate sometimes can provide a good outlet to channel you negativity towards. .  .and you never know, it might turn into something constructive :-)

"Na mohabbatein, na dosti ke liye.  . .waqt rukta nahi kisi ke liye".  .  .

Ghazals such as these are among the many bits of music that helped me get through tough times. A rough equivalent of the line above would be 'time and tide wait for none'.  .  .and so true, but I digress.  .  .

I have no doubts that I have spoken about this before, perhaps in a different manner, still it helps to pen things down as they come to you. When people hurt you, you wonder if they ever realise what they have done, if if they repent.  .  .if you are like me, you probably believe in Karma, what goes around comes around. Quite often, I'm fortunate and Karma lets me watch people suffer.  .  .call it voyeuristic or petty, justice and retribution are very important to me.

And then, there are times when time and distance do not give you the opportunity to know.   .  .what do you do then? Just forget about it, right? Easy peezy.  .  .well, not for me. You see, I am, well, was, among those emotional fools who gave a 100 percent to all relationships that are worth it, not realising that it's important to be equals in a relationship. In my cases, yes plural if you'd believe, I was in shoulder deep while the "other" person was possibly just dipping his feet in, or so is the logical explanation for why it was so easy for them to just forget about me.

One of these friends actually said to me, "you just lost a friend, trust me it's nothing like being in a romantic relationship, you have no idea.  .  .". At first I thought, maybe he's right, after all I'd never actually fallen in love, all these people I got so attached to were all friends, best friends yes, but things never went past that, in a way that was a blessing I guess.  .  .n when even that friend left my side, I thought no, if I'm hurt, I'm hurt, a friend instead of a lover does not make my feelings any less significant or deep. I spent most of life listening to stories of other people, acknowledging their feelings, didn't occur to acknowledge my own.  . .

Then a thought occurred to me, something almost as painful as what I had already been through. I noticed a pattern, no one can get unlucky every single time, perhaps I'm the reason, I drive people away, maybe I'm unable to inspire loyalty in others and that, hurts the most. It's something I can't quite shake off, it's not that I'm too nice or too forgiving, maybe I'm just not good enough, or I'm a bit too involved. Funny, today I'm a wife and a mother and one of the things my husband loves about me is that I love him to bits but I also give him space. Maybe I've changed.  . .or maybe, I've finally found a man (I stress on man, as my girlfriends have given me tremendous support and love) who loves me for who I am, we balanced each other out, we fill each other's void.  . .and that is perhaps why none of the others "worked out".  .  ,they were never meant to, for this to happen :)

It's been years since all these incidents, life goes on, and I think somewhere deep down, I can say I've forgiven them, but if life ever presented the opportunity, I would give these people a piece of my mind, it's important that people are made aware of their mistakes, and even if they know it already, it would feel awesome to just vent out all my anger and pain in person, letting it out once and for all, to feel light again, to feel free of some emotional baggage as it were.  . .perhaps, someday, you never know.  .  .

Daur naya, par chehra wahi
Aur is chehre par jhuriyaan kahi
Sudharte sudharte guzar gaya jeevan
Khaamiyaan kuch par khoobiyaan nahi

Baitthi apne aap ek kone
Jab mila koi use sawaar ne
Nahin tha lekin usme dhairya
Chhod gaya use beech majhdhaar mein

Lekin kahaan seekha usne sabak
Phir peda hue wahi haalaat
Sach hi kehte hain log
Bandar kabhi nahi bhoolta apni gulaat

Dobaara chot laga, phir jaana
Kuch bhi nahi hai stthir
Tei kar liya tha usne
Nahi karni dosti phir.  .  .

Kismat ko tha kuch aur manzoor
Din aaye phir harsh ke
Ek nahi, dugni mili khushiyaan
Bhale hi guzar ne pade kuch sangharsh se

Kabhi kabhi iss sab ke beech
Yaad aati hai puraani baatein
Kuch has kuch ro leti hai
Phir doob jaati apne aaj mein

Bhool jaati ki, na stthir hai dukh
Or na sada khushiyaan rahengi
Sheeghr aayeinge woh din jab
Uske sab zakhm waqt khud bharegi

Buuddhe hue bacche

Bade hue maa baap,

Yeh kahaani hai kya

Khud tai ki jiye aap

Swaagat se adheek

Kiye alvida humne

Doston dushmanon ko kiya

Ek samaan kiya vida humne. . .

'Doosron ki silvatein toaddte toaddte

Toott chuki hoon main'

Doosron ki khushi ke liye

Anek baar jhuki hoon main

Dosti na hui, chai hua

Chuski li aur pyaala rakh diya. . .

Phir utthaaya paapad achaar

Khaane ke sung chak diya. . .

Lekin rone ke bajaai muskuraati hoon main

Mujhe hua jo ehsaas

Chhod na, kuch log hote hi hai

Kamine, jaahil aur bakwaas!

It bothers me to see that there are people in this world who think they know it all. . .sadly, I've met many such people. . .the person I've in mind today is kinda my "superior" at wk. . .she's been in this field for 9 yrs now, but like many, is very inflexible, rigid, regimental, fixed in her ways. . .I mean tat's all rubbish I can put up wid, but some things, it's a pity no one has noticed. . .

1. She fusses over which game to take out, n always disapproves if I put out something, can U imagine. . .something as ridiculous as tat. . .everything has to b d way she decides. . .very nit picky. . .

2. The kids never to do a variety of activities, she spends too much tym planning d snacks n doesn't think a variety in activities is something worth it!

3. She ALWAYS put me on cleaning or supervision kinda jobs, n I don't get to interact much wid d kids. . .I don't get to say bye to them, don't get to meet d parents, nothing. . .it's like she doesn't want me to learn wat it takes to b someone in a co-ordinator type position. . .

4. There's never any real communication wid me abt d other kids or d programs or if something needs to b done in a certain manner. . .she only talks to her possy. . .so U c, I can't really trust any1 there or talk to them. . .she only instructs me. . .never any respect or communication. . .

5. She doesn't let me learn anything new. . .it's always a 'I won't tell U wat to do, but if U make a mistake, or take too long, I'll know U don't do a gud job n won't let U do it again'!

6. She doesn't let this one child forget tat she forgot to share once. . .n she can b really fake n rude while talking. . .being a good cook or a disciplinarian ain't gud enuf, U also need to a gud colleague. . .

I mean how childish n ancient ppl can b at d same tym. . .it's tym to move on. . .she thinks she's being cool by making stuff up for documentation or not following any of d learning plans, but I think it's pitiful tat she can't follow thru. . .or move ahead. . .or respect ppl. . .but, like d title of a child's book, 'WHAT DO YOU DO WITH A GRUMPY KANGAROO'? :P

Had you what reason
Had you what right
To take away my rhythm
Steal away my rhyme. . .

You live in paranoia
You exhale prejudice
What you don't think pretty
You crush and perish. . .

There were reasons two,
Actually make it three
For my tolerance, my torture
The thing I call tyranny. . .

I hold them dear;
Try my best to defend
And pray for no danger
And then, not all's drear. . .

They lose their ground
While She rips their guise
One hope there's guilt
For them being so guile. . .

There will be light
And there's always love. . .
Yet I seal my lips 
To let my loved ones live. . .  

Jo the ganith ke vidhwaan
Na thi zaroorat jinko prachaar
Mere daada, mere buzhurkh
Gaye swarg siddhaar. . .

Jaane maane the woh
Apne chhote sheher mein
Tha unka bhi naam
Saagar ke ek leher mein. . .

Shikiya mujhko bhi ganith
Adhyaapak the tum nyaara
Kitaabon ke beecho beech,
Tha ek panna tumhaara. . .

Guroor bhi tha, ahankaar bhi
The woh ghusse waale
Lekin shikshakon ke maamle mein
The bade dilwaale. . .

Kuch logon ke liye tha izzat
Kahin ke liye unhe dikkhaar
Humse bhi nahi tha lagaav
Shaayad ki kiya humein pyaar. . .

Biwi ka the sansaar, par
Bacchon ka na the sahaara
Phir bhi zindagi ke pedh par
Tha ek daal tumhaara. . .

Chaudaah saal ki umr mein
Banaaya jisko kulvadhu
Aaj ke baad na hogi woh
Kabhi bhi unse rubaroo. . .

Hai bas itna hi jeevan
Aaj hai, kal nahin
Guzar hai yun achaanak
Shaayad galat, shaayad sahi. . .

Nahi pata tha hamein
Ki tha tu humko pyaara
Ki dil ke kisi kone mein
Tha ek naam tumhaara. . .

Swargiya Sreedharan Pillai. . .RIP Appuppa. . .

A lotta things have been happening of late, blah blah story of my life, whatever :P I wanna talk of one such thing. . .

I once had a friend (oh really? :P), very close friend, got to know each other really well. . .uske apne problems the aur mere bhi aur dono acche dost ban gaye. . .sharing, caring sorts. . .uska ghussa, uske nakhre, sab sahaa. . .socha, dost hai, use waqt do. . .he’s workin on things, has pressure at home, chalo koi baat nahi. . .haan, lekin yeh kabhi na socha ki ek galti kya ho gayi mujhse, mere saath itna bura sulookh. . .jaise ki main kabhi dost thi hi nahi. . .jaise main ek museebat thi jo uske gale paddh gayi. . .a chill runs down ur spine when ur best friend looks thru U, like U don’t exist. . .baap re. . .bahut royi main, kaafi waqt bhi laga khud ko sambhaalne mein. . .

Haali mein socha, ki main dost banaati hoon, dosti nibhaane ke liye. . .bhale hi ek dost ne dosti toda, main ek baar koshish karti hoon, par haan, doosri or se koi jawaab na aaya. . .it got me thinkin. . .of reasons y one cuts someone out n never looks back. . .

1. Ego- Maybe he’s too proud to get bk to a friend he once abandoned, thinks he never did anything wrong. . . has plenty of other friends, disposing one off won’t matter. . .
2. Cleansing- He was probably at a stage in his life where he wanted to flush out everyone fm his life who caused him pain, or who was filth, accordin to him. . .d rage, disappointment n dejection all projected to one person, who thereby, did not deserve a 2^nd chance. . .
3. Me- This one bothers me. . . Am I d reason? Was I a very unreasonable person. . .short tempered, needy, emotionally dependent? Funnily enuf, I saw myself to b a cheerful, independent person, who’s worked hard to keep her temper under control. . .

 Or. . .

Maybe d whole fight n d friendship were things I overvalued. . .big tym. . .d person, d incident n its importance in ur life. . .it was d phase I was at, everythin seemed so much bigger than it was. . .like when U get shouted at as a kid, by a short tempered neighbour for playing cricket near his house, at a young age, U get really upset abt such things. . .n then U grow up to realize tat others can b wrong n can overreact to situations. . .so jus forgive, n move on. . .it wasn’t U after all :) n boy is tat a relief. . . :)

I'm sure U guys have seen movies where bits of ur life, d roughest n sweetest patches of it, kinda float into ur mind here n there, happens all the time in real. . .atleast mere saath. . .

Aur in yaadon mein toh sabse zyaada apne doston ko paati hoon. . .apne paathshaala ke dost, jin ke saath bachpan beeta hai. . .khel kood, paddhai, nokjhok, hasi, pariksha. . .khadoos adhyaapak, aur woh log, dost aur bade log, jinhone ek chhoti si ladki ko bin baat par ek do baar rulaaya tha. . .ummeed hai woh doosron ko rulaane ke alaawa bhi zindagi mein kuch haasil kar ke aage badh paaye hai! :P

N then college. . .more friends, closer bonding, bein a sane person in an insane institution! Some of the best yrs of my life. . .Lit classes, Hindi classes (zzz. . .), saree days, coll fests (aur unpar aate kuch cute bandhein ;) ) n all those b'day treats n bunkin to eat chaat or jus hang out by d arch. . .a place n time where I made friends within n some very close friends outside college. . .haan yeh baat alag hai ki usme se ek do doston ne. . .chalo bol hi deti hoon, par apne andaaz mein. . .woh gaana yaad aata hai. . . "dil aisa kisi mera toda, barbaadi taraf aisa moda. . .ek bhale maanush ko . . .amaanush banaake chhoda. . ." :) aur jab un doston to khud ki khushaali ke khaatir maaf kiya, tab aur bhi mahaan log gale pad gaye! :P

But there were once these intellectual ppl, who made quotes like "In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday" and "For every dark night, there's a brighter day" n so on. . .n they've such fantastic quotes in Hindi also, bolo! :P Na na, I ain't trying to b cynical, lekin in sab baaton ko actually samajh ne mein bahut waqt lagta hai. . .sab saamp kaat ta hai, tab hum do mein se ek karte hain. . .ya toh hum apne aap ko sambhaalne ki koshish karte hai. . .ya phir ghusse aur peedha mein us saamp ke peeche lag jaate hai. . .aur zyaadatar log wahi karte hain. . .saamp ke peeche lag jaate hain. . .aur yeh bhool jaate hai saamp ne toh apna kaam kar diya hai. . .usne humaari zehen mein vish bhar diya hai. . .aur agar hum apna ilaaj na kare, toh woh vish dheere dheere hamein khatam karne lagta hai. . .U can call it the deemak (termite) effect :P

Hee hee, it's so much easier to laugh things off, now tat U've climbed the mountain :) things have taken a while to sweep clean coz of an ongoing dominos effect. . .par ab sab kachda zehen se baahar. . .yeh dusshera poore teen saal chali, ab mar gaya Raavan. . .n guess wat? I'M BACK!!! :D :D :D

Mere zindagi ke pichle do saal. . .

Apno se paraayi,
Nav duniya ki or. . .
Aur jab paayi maine khushi
Tab mach gaya shor. . .

Adchan pe adchan,
Taane aur sawaal
In hi mein kat gaye
Mere pichle do saal. . .

Kitaabon aur paddhaai ke beech
Mujhe bhi ho gaya pyaar
Lekin kuch log napaawat
Ab kya bataaoon yaar!

Bin baat par lad pade,
Bura tha mera haal
Aansoon aur ghuttan mein guzre
Mere pichle do saal. . .

Shaayad yeh sab kaafi na tha
Ki shareer ne bhi saath chhoda. . .
Bhukhmari aur maansik tanaav ne
Meri sehat ko toda. . .

Ladki se bani gubbaara main
Nyasargon ka hua bhuchaal
Unhe suljhaane mein nikal gaye
Mere pichle do saal. . .

Har surang ke anth mein ujaala
Yeh bhi maine seekha. . .
Baaton ko ek kaan se andar
Aur naakh se baahar cheenka. . .

Meri bimaari ka hai nuska
Nahin hai koi kamaal
Thi kuch apnon ka saath, so beet gaye
Mere pichle do saal. . .

PS: Make tat teen saal, d yr before those two yrs was quite a roller coaster too :P :P :P

Kyun nahi hai poora
Chand falak par
Amaavasya se poonima tak
Kaisa yeh ajeeb darr?

Pankh failaaye khadaa,
Naachne ko betaab mor
Par varsha na hui ab tak,
Phir bhi dekhta us or. . .

Beej toh bo diya,
Par uga nahi daana
Is beech pani aur dhoop ka,
Laga rahega aana jaana

Kuch jag toh gaya hai,
Par savera nahi hua abhi
Lekin haar raat ki hoti ek din
Subah bhi hogi kabhi :)

Here's the story
Of a wonderful bean
Read on and you'll know
What the hell I mean. . .

A fountainhead of knowledge,
A helpful hand
From a distance you see,
But just you stand. . .

And smell the coffee,
Which no one's allowed
Like many other things
In this house renowned. . .

Hell hath no fury
Like a woman scorned,
But pray hear of this man,
His family he burned. . .

Oh he knows the world,
And has opinions strong
So everyone else is a fool,
Even his family's wrong. . .

One may think he's helpful
But there's a fine line indeed
Between a helping hand
And a patronizing deed. . .

A hypocrite, a chameleon,
Manipulative and cruel. . .
A dementor cold
With faces dual. . .

Every man has fantasies
But this sick, projecting Toby
Thinks he's being cool drooling
Over other women for a hobby

Erotophobia might exist
Between him and the roomie
Being jealous don' help brother,
Only makes you gloomy. . .

A megalomaniac like none
Slamming everyone he can
But at the end he's only
A pathetic, small man. . .

I just finished watching a movie, a Tamil movie Vinnaithandi Varuvaya. . .not a new movie but it's only now that I finally got down to watching it. . .and boy do I have lots to talk about :) well, 1st things 1st, this ain't a movie for people who do not sufficient patience for realistic romance, or for those who cannot look outside the box. . .it's a slow paced movie, no fast forwards or skipping, it depicts the events in the life of a guy who falls in love, just as they occur, Hitlerji hated the movie! :P Another post about him later, I don't have time for crap now. . .the movie goes on for a long period of time, keeps going on, and everyone I watched it with dismissed it as a waste of time. . .nothing extraordinary happens in it. . .there's nothing great about this movie. . .I however, see this quite differently. . .


So what did I really like about this movie? To begin with, it's a very real movie. . .flashing news to people who love watching romantic films, all that stuff in movies, all the goss, glamour, the giddy romance, the song and dance, the drama, fights and frustrations, all of that, are indeed, real. Surprised? Exaggerated as they might be, there are subtle (and sometimes, not so subtle ;) ) underpinnings of it in a regular, yet beautiful romance. . .and to those who are so used to watching fast paced romantic movies, well you can't skip forward situations or dialogues or edit scenes out with a delete button in real life. If I may get a bit Absurdist in my argument, real life is slow and can be monotonous and mundane, and so can be a romance, it's a question of perspective at the end of the day. . . :) this movie is precisely that, a real life everyday romance in the not so stormy speed at which it really goes. . . :) and highlights the fact that real life can have an ending that was "not the plan", yet be pleasant and something you can live it, and happily so. . .as for the interactions between the two main characters, this is one of the most realistic portrayals of two people trying to understand what they feel for each other and how to deal with it, keeping other factors, social factors, in mind. . .


The denial, sexual tension, and release, the fleety moments to do something completely crazy and then landing back on earth before you can muster the courage to do it, the frustrations in which you say horrible things when you meant just the opposite, subconsciously to see if you'll be deserted for it or will your love look beyond it to see how you really feel, all of it is just so real. . .there are times you constantly worry about what people will think, see or say, and you try to keep things as peaceful as possible. . .and on other days, you get so lost with each other, that it simply does not feel like anyone else matters, even the least bit. . . :)


It's ironic how people swallow fairy tales and classics as they are, but not real life, even if it hit them on the head with a fire extinguisher! :P She becomes the Estella in Pip's life, the woman she cannot help being attracted to, and love. . .irrespective of how treats him. . .whom he pursues relentlessly, the unreachable star in his life. . .and a final meeting, before their lives take a forever-after kind of turn. . .and it amazes me as to how people can be so biased and judgemental, never willing to accept the possibility that there might be an alternate point of view, that things could occur in ways beyond their level of comprehension and empathy, yet be true. After all, you don't have to be a surgeon to know that surgery is a possibility, and a reality :)


It's truly refreshing to see a slower, more realistic portrayal of love and separation :) for the rest, if patience permit, do watch the movie :)

Mile log aise taise,

Zindagi ke raah par

Lekin milein na koi aise

Itna jiyein jo mar mar. . .

Khud ko na hai koi chain,

Na jeene de kisi aur ko. . .

Itne paagal, itne ziddi,

Sar pe koi inke bartan thoko!

Hai hoti sabki ek chhoti duniya,

Par unki duiya itni chhoti,

Ki har koi kharaab,

Aur main bhi lagoon khhoti!

Aankhon par ho laal chashma

Toh har koi dikhe laal,

Na hara, na peela, na sab ek saath

Aakhir nazariya ka hai kamaal!

Kabhi aaye daya inke haal par,

Kabhi aaye mujhe krodh. . .

Phir sochoon bechaare akal ke mare. . .

Jaane do, chal chhod. . . :P

A handful of random things I remember from my childhood:

1. Walking back from school with my friend, throwing stones in a naali and throwing sand at each other on the way
2. A friend being a hypocrite and me being surprisingly mature enough (all of 7 back then) to realize that it simply wasn't right
3. Being teacher's pet more often than not :P
4. Being asked (read coerced) by class teacher to tie raakhi to a guy in class this one raksha bandhan because I wasn't tying when all other girls were and because there was this one guy in class to whom no one had tied one. I still remember his name
5. Being teased by the guys in class, called all sorta names, my hairband being taken and tossed amongst the guys :P and being teased in particular with a friend :P
6. Fighting with some of the guys in class, chasing (please do not misunderstand :P) a few in and around class and even around school :P think I even slapped one of them in a fight once :P
7. Having a friend with whom I, ahem, teased someone in class :P
8. Having that someone tease me in return and also offending and being offended by him :P
9. Having more than necessary vivid and good memory of everything :P
10. Getting into a catfight and slapping a classmate, we are both past that now
11. Being a happy, fun loving school kid with lots of friends. . .and that, stays. . . :)

It's interesting as to how time has flown and how many of those who weren't friends are friends now. . . :) and how some others have drifted apart :) I talk only of my childhood ofcourse :) lots has happened after that as well :) all tat, well maybe on another fine day. . . :)

Kuch laal kuch safaid,
Mutthi mein bandh ungliyaan
Aur ismein bandha aakrosh
Le jaaye kahaan. . .

Badan kaamp utthe,
Itni ismein bechaeni. . .
Bahut kuch karne ko hai
Chadni hai ek lambi aeni. . .

Haalaat vipaksh hain humaare,
Samay bhi hai paabandh. . .
Shaayad nayi nazar se dikh raha
Ya phir wakai naya hai yeh prabandh. . .

Sab samaapt karne ki chaah,
Par ek sahaara humaara,
Jash-e-bahaar, gul-e-gulzaar
Woh saahil, woh kinaara

Is laun ki roshni se,
Savaaroon apna naya kul
Mehekte mehekte, haule haule jo
Meri saanson mein gaya ghul