Naye saal ki shuruwaat. . .nayi zindagi ki bhi shaayad. . .haan ek aad mahine mein woh bhi :) par meri nayi zindagi ddeydd saal pehle shuru hui thi. . .ddeyd saal, kehne ko toh ikkees saalon mein se ek chhotta sa hissa. . .par mere liye, bahut hi zyaada keemti. . .is saal ke anth par main in ddeydd saalon ki aur peeche muddh ke dekh rahi hoon. . .kya nahi hua is beech? :) In ddeydd saalon mein sadiyon ka safar tey kiya hai maine :) aisa nahi hai ki bas apni poori zindagi jee chuki is dohraan, par bahut kuch paaya, khoya aur seekha hai maine is beech :) khud se pehchaan hui, kuch naye guru mile aur unse BAHUT seekha :), shukriya shabd kam padd jaata hai :) kahi logon se jaan pehchaan hui :) :) :) kuch khaas log mile :) bahut hi azeez aur dil ke kareeb :) kuch bicchde aur maine girkar sambhalna seekha :) kuch khud kiya, kuch kisi aur ne mere liye kiya :) is dil ne kabhi nafrat karna nahi seekha toh kadwaahat ki toh koi gunjaaish nahi :) par haan, apni ahm galtion ko pehchaana :) ek, khud ki galti ko pehchaana, do, doosron ki galtion ki aur nazar paddhi aur teen, khud ko zaroorat se zyaada saza na dena seekha :) kya karein, bhaavnaaon ko tolna nahi aata :) jo bhi hai, poore dil se hai :) dikhe na dikhe, bahut hi bhaavuk kisam ke insaan hai ham :P aankhein jitni khuli thi, us se zyaada khul gayi :P kahi aur dost banaaye :) aur kuch toh hamesha se the :) bas pehchaan ne ki deir thi :) aur kuch toh achaanak ke kareeb aa gaye :) ruh se is tarah ghul mila gaye ki kya kahoon :) kabhi ek waqt tha is beech jab laga ki sab khatam ho gaya, phir laga zindagi toh ab shuru hui hai :) phir ek darr sa mann mein. . .jo nayi khushi naseeb hui hai, woh pal do pal ki hogi. . .jinhe kareeb aane ki ijaazat di, kahi woh cheer kar door chale gaye toh. . .khair, ab toh woh darr bhi gaya :) aaj mein jeena seekh rahi hoon :) haule haule apne aap ko aur bhi mazboot kar rahi hoon :) mann mein jo bhaadas, darr, taqleef, dard aur kashmakash the, sab ab kaafi hadd tak jaa chuke hai :) reh gaye hai toh yaadein :) aur yaadein rehni chahiye :) gusre hue waqt ko khushi se hamesha dekh sakti hoon :) rishte kahi badal chuke hai, phir bhi :)


Aaj apnon ka saath hai, khud ki pehchaan, lakshya ka andaaza hai, karmon mein sacchaai hai aur dheir saari khushi hai. . .haan par ek tarah se lag raha hai ki maano apna kaccha chitta sabke saamne pesh kar rahi hoon. . .ek tarah se nagn mehsoos kar rahi hoon :) is baat par dasvi kaksha ki ek kavita yaad aa gayi :) un dino, is kavita aur khaas kar ki uski shishak ko lekar ham chutkule maarte the :P par uska asli arth kahi saalon se paschaat samajh aaya :) ‘Tum kyon likhte ho’, uske do bol yaad hain aaj bhi :) ‘Tum kyon likhte ho? Apne mann ke bhaavnaaon ko dikhaane ke liye likhte ho ya chhupaane ke liye likhte ho’ :) :) :) bhai ham toh jaan gaye hai ki ham kyon likhte hai :) agar is naacheez ke is lekhan ko koi bhi insaan ya bhoot paddh raha ho, toh use nav warsh kid heir saari HAARDIK shubh kaamnaayein :) :) :)

Kshitij. . .uski khaasiyat yeh hai ki hum uske jitne uske kareeb jaane ki koshish karte hai, woh humse utni hi door  jaata rehta hai. . .aise mein insaan kya kare? Uski aur jaane se khud ko rok de? :) Ya is haqeeqat ko pehchaanle ki zindagi mein hum jo chaahte hai, woh hamein hamesha naseeb ho, aisa nahi hota hai. . .dukh ki baat toh yeh hai hum mein se aise kahi log hai jinhe woh cheezein saaf dikhti hai jo unhe nahi mila, par woh cheezein kam dikhti hai jo unke jholi mein hamesha se the. . .yeh soch kar rote hai jisse hum pyaar karte hai, unke liye hum kuch nahi, par yeh nahi dikhta ki theekh humaare bagal mein ek aisa vyakti (aur kabhi, ek se kahi zyaada. . . :)) hai jis ke liye hum hi sab kuch hai. . .aur sab kuch na sahi, par bahut kuch. . .jo hai use thukraakar uski prateeksha karte hai jo humaari kismat mein hi nahi. . . :)

Is sikke ka doosra pehloo yeh hai ki kya hamein aise sochne ka haq nahi? Jisse hum pyaar karein, badle mein unki pyaar ki prateeksha karna galat hai kya? Kya hamein haq nahi yeh abhilaasha karne ka ki apni zindagi mein aise insaan ko paane kya jo sirf humaare liye bana ho? Woh kehte hai, kabhi kabhi duniya bhar ka pyaar bhi kam paddh jaata hai aur us ek insaan ka pyaar mil jaaye toh bahut hai. . .lekin kya aisa pyaar sabko naseeb hot hai? Sochne waali baat hai :) Aur jin abhaaganon ko yeh na mila, woh kya kare? :) Sach poocho toh main nahi jaanti. . .bas itna keh sakti hoon ki pyaar ke kahi roop hai :) maa baap ka pyaar, bhaai behen ka pyaar, bete beti ka pyaar, dost ka, premi ka. . .har rishte mein pyaar ho sakta hai :) bas us har rishte ke har pyaar ko pehchaano. . .aur us har ek pyaar ko apni zindagi mein ahemiyaat do :) woh ek pyaar, woh khaas insaan, zindagi mein aaye toh aaye. . .warna bhaad mein jaaye! :P

Tthehelne ke liye nikal paddhi. . .ek lamba raasta chuna. . .bas 'main aur meri tanhaayee'. . .aur raate mein dekhne ko bahut kuch mila :) ek ghar, phoolon se saji hui :) lagta hai us ghar mein kisi ki haali mein shaadi hui thi. . .kuch doori par bacche khel rahe the :) zameen par kuch gol matol se cheeze banaakar, un par ucchal kood kar :P :) :) wahi aas paas kisi ghar mein sangeet baj raha tha :) phir raaste par mod aaya aur daanyi or muddh gayi. . .kuch doori par apni daanyi or ek ghar dikha. . .neele, laal aur safaid rang ka. . .rang is prakaar chaddaaye gaye the ki dekh kar bachpan mein suni aur paddhi hui ek kahaani yaad aagayi :) lagta hai us ghar par haali mein us ghar par yeh rang chaddaaye gaye the. . .mere baajoo se ek buzhurk gusarte hue gaye. . .haath mein kuch samaan liye. . .lag raha tha ki yeh woh shaayad har subah karte honge. . .chalte chalte daanyi or ek aur ghar dikha. . .woh kabhi ek zamaane ek jaan pehchaan waale ka ghar hua karta tha :) dekh kar ek halki si muskuraahat chehre par aa gayi :) kahi ghar raaste mein :) har ek ghar ki apni kahaani hogi, is baare mein sochte hue chalti gayi. . .is lambe se raaste ke doosre mod ke kuch kadam pehle, baanyi or ek ladka aur ladki baat kar rahe the :) gustaaki maaf, lekin maine kuch baatein sun li :P shaayad unki haali mein mulaaqat hui thi aur ladki shaayad yeh nahi jaanti thi ki ladka kahi aas paas rehta tha. . .ladki khush thi. . .woh ek doosre ke liye kuch mehsoos kar rahe the ya nahi, unke beech mein kya rishta hai, yeh sab main nahi jaanti. . .aur jaan ne ka mujhe adhikaar bhi nahi :) bas dekha, muskuraaya aur chalti gayi :)

Do aur mod ke baad ek janaab gaadi chalaate hue mere saamne se guzar rahe the. . .gaadi haddbaddaakar chala rahe the. . .shaayad raaste se anjaan the. . .ya phir unhe koi aur pareshaani thi. . .Ram jaane. . .chalte chalte apni manzil kab pahunchi, pata hi nahi chala. . . :) jis raate par kahi baar safar kar chuki, us raaste ko aaj itne ghaaur se dekha :) kaan mein sangeet bajaaye baghair, nazar kisi dost ke sandhesh par rakhe baghair :) nazar, kaan, sab purn roop se raaste par rakhte hue :)

Phir wahi khwaab. . .phir wahi daastaan. . .baar baar. . .jis kisse ke baare mein din ke ujale mein vichaar karna bandh kar diya tha, unhe raat ke andhere mein, apne khwaabon dekh ti hoon. . .ek bada sawaal. . .kyun? Jo dekh rahi hoon, uska kya matlab hai? Jo jaisa dikh raha hai, kya baat wahi hai, ya is sapne ka koi aur hi arth hai, jo main dekh nahi paa rahi? Jiski ichha apni zindagi ke haqiqat mein chhod chuki hoon, uske sapne? Kuch toh baat hai. . .bahut socha is baare mein. . .kahi woh mere aane waali zindagi ki chhavi toh nahi? Ya hai mere aaj ka saboot? Jab sapna tha, tab jo bhi ho raha tha, use hone diya. . .aur main dukhi bhi na thi. . .sirf aashcharya chakit. . .aur beech mein kisi ko pukaara. . .par woh koi aur nikla. . .

Subah utthi toh sapne ke baare mein soch kar utthi. . .ek ajeeb sa dard, kuch tanhaayi mehsoos hui. . .dheere dheere apne sawaal ka jawaab mila. . .bahut soch vichaar ke paschyaat. . .apne is sapne ka arth. . .jo dekha, woh waisa nahi tha. . .woh mere darr ka prateet tha. . .us darr ki ek jhalak mujhe subah bhi dikhi. . .maano woh sapna mujhe apne aane waale subah ke baare mein aaghaa kar raha tha. . .apne darr ke baare mein. . .jo sapne mein dikha, wahi mujhe kyun dikha, ab samajh mein aaya :) woh mere mann ke kone mein dabi hoi koi baat nahi. . .woh bas mere darr ki shuruwaat thi. . . :) usk darr ki wajaah :) ab jaa kar mann ko thodi shaanti mili hai. . .kuch toh samajh aaya :P ab is darr ka kya karna hai. . .iska jawaab dheere dheere dhonndh loongi :)

:) Bahut kuch seekh gayi hoon pichle kuch mahino mein. . . :) lekin in mahino ki meri sabse zaroori seekhon mein se yeh kuch hai. . .taali kabhi bhi ek haath se nahi bajti :) agar mujhse galti hui na, aur uska samaadhaan na ho paaya ho, toh usme meri akeli ki galti nahi. . .din, hafte, mahine, main apne aap ko har roop mein doshi tehraati gayi. . .par waqt ke saath yeh ehsaas hua ki jo bhi hua, usme main akeli ki gunegaar na thi :) mujhe khush rehne ka adhikaar hai :) agar maine kuch khoya hai toh main isme akeli nahi :) aur duniya bahut badi jagah hai :) ab waqt ke saath un ek do gham ke badle mujhe dhher saari khusiyaan naseeb hui hain :) aur zindagi mein aaye kuch khaas dost :) ek manthan hua :) waqt ke saath aage baddh toh rahi thi, par ab kahi sawaalon ke jawaab mil gaye, khusiyaan mil gayi aur aage baddhne ka raftaar baddh gaya :) khusiyaan ab gham ko bahut peeche chhod chuki hain :) apne har darr ka saamna kar rahi hoon main :) us har insaan ko shukriya jo ab mere zindagi ka hissa hai :) aur har insaan ko bhi shukriya jo kabhi na kabhi meri zindagi mein aaya aur chala gaaya :) Sab ek bahut bada khel hai :) jise taqdeer kehte hai :) humaare karam bhi usmein shaamil hain :) zindagi hai bhai :) chale chalo, khush raho :)

Zindagi kabhi kabhi leti hai mod is tarah,
Ghhaddo pe bani ho road jis tarah!
Kabhi raah pe mil jaati hai mushkilein
Aur kabhi unhi se phool khilein

Zindagi kya apni khud ki hai,
Ya Upar Waala likh raha hai koi daastaan
Shaayad hum aur Woh dono milke
Tay karte hai jeevan ka raasta

Aur raah mein mil jaate hai kuch log,
Jaisa unse milna ho sanjog
Kuch saath chalte bichhad jaate hai,
Kuch bichhad ke phir mil jaate hai

Par hai koi chhod jaata hai ek yaad, ek ehsaas,
Jo reh jaata hai humaare paas
Chaahe woh de khushi ya gham,
Bas honsla rakho, aage baddho tum

:) bas khush hoon, aur bas zaahir karne ka mann kiya :) life SACH mein pattri par aa gayi hai :) zindagi ka saamna kar rahi hoon, koi aankh mein choli nahi :) koi jhoote dilaase nahi :) darr bhi ab meelon door bhaag raha hai, halka mehsoos kar rahi hoon :) maano ab maroongi toh koi adhoorapan nahi :) par ab jab zindagi acchi chal rahi hai toh kaun kambaqt marna chaahta hai? :P hee hee ab toh zindagi shuru hui hai :) dil mein naya josh, nayi ummeed jaag utthi hai :) ab maano har mushkil ka saamna kiya jaa sakta hai :) bas, yeh honsla bana rahe. . .pata nahi. . . :) khair, jo ab hai, woh hai :) bas :)

Kal, aaj aur kal, ek hi zindagaani hai, aankhon mein rahe toh aansoon, beh jaaye toh bas paani hai :) sabko chot lagti hai. . .aur ek tarah ki chot baar baar lage toh uske do anjaam ho sakte hai. . .ek, pehli baar chot lagne par ham kamzor athwa nazuk paddh jaate hai, jis se yeh hota hai ki har baar us chot ke lagne par woh deemak ki tarah kam karne lagta hai. . .doosra yeh ki ek hi chot ke baar baar lagne par hamein maano farak padna bandh ho jaata hai. . .ab dono mein se kaun sa zyaada haanikaarak hai, yeh kehna mushkil hai. . .bas ummeed yeh hai ki Bhagwaan na kare aisa logon ke saath ho. . .aur ho bhi toh khud ko sambhaalne ki shakti rakhe woh :) ya unka haath pakadne koi ho :) bas zindagi aage baddhne ka naam, khush raho, kadam baddhaao, aur muskuraao :) zindagi jitni buri hai, utni hi haseen bhi :) bas nazariye ki hai baat. . . :)

Hee hee jus wen U think it can’t get any better (or worse :P as d case may b :)) it does :P as though in sheer defiance 2 ur thot process :P Hmmm, how many of us r truly 'open' as ppl? :) Bein open's not jus abt bein liberal n broad minded. . .tat it is undoubtedly, but it goes beyond tat. . .it's abt bein open 2 new experiences. . .if a new avenue opens out in front of U, go 4 it :) trust ur instincts while pickin which new experience 2 open up 2, but do open up :) acceptin somethin, anythin new in2 ur life doesn NECESSARILY mean throwin away everythin else tat U've stood by all these yrs :) one must use one's discretion :) bein open also entails acceptin ppl as they r :) not expectin them 2 change 4 ur sake :) tat's neither bein fair 2 tat person as he/she is not bein accepted unconditionally and neither is it bein fair 2 urself as one might get disappointed wen expected changes do not occur :) bein open also means forgivin ppl, whether or not U love them, 4 ur peace of mind n also 4 d other person, ppl deserve chances, like Gandhiji sd "Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes" :) it's imp 2 b generous wid ur emotions n love :) give :) b happy :)

Maano ki apna hi hai koi doosra roop,

Aur mila jab thi kadi dhoop,

Lekin dikha woh kahi door,

Aur laga ki tha majboor

Par shaayad kismat thi mere saath,

Ki dheere dheere usne thaam liya haath,

Aur di ek aisi muskuraahat,

Ab har jagah hai us hi ki aahat

Kuch toh hai khaas,

Yeh nahi koi maamuli ehsaas,

Log chahe kare mujhe badnaam aur barbaad,

Lekin bandar kya jaane adrak ka swaad!

Nahi dena chahte hum ise koi naam,

Humare maamle se aur kisko kaam,

Jo hai bahut khoobsoorat hai,

Aur hamein iski zaroorat hai :)

Sach kehte hain, zindagi bas aage baddhne ka naam hai :) par yun hi baddhne ka nahi :) apne har lamhe se kuch seekho :) use jiyo :) haso, gaao, muskuraao :) ro lo :) jo dil mein ho, bol daalo :) aakhir zubaan kis liye diya hai Bhagwaan ne :P zindagi bhi dilchasb hai, ek pal lagta hai ki bas ab sab khatam aur waqt ke saath saath har pahaad rai sa lagne lagta hai :) bas mann mein rakhna hai vishwaas aur aage baddhna hai, har kadam rakhna bhaari kyun na lage :) haan koi humdard ho toh baat hi kuch aur hai :) safar kaise katt ta hai pata hi nahi chalta :) aur ek aur baat. . .apne anubhav se keh rahi hoon, koi aap se rishte naate tod bhi de, iska matlab yeh nahi ki aap usse pyaar karna ya uski fiqr karna chhod de :) log agar dard pahunchaaye, toh unhe maaf kardo, chaahe woh aap se kitni bhi nafrat kyun na kare, ya phir aapse behrukhi se pehshaaye. . .apne dil ke darwaaze hameshaa khulle rakhna :) un logon ke liye jo aap ki zindagi se baahar kadam rakh chuke hain aur unke liye bhi jo aapki zindagi mein kadam rakhne ko hain. . . :) kam se kam yeh meri apni zindagi ka usool hai :) aur aisa karne se muhje manotripti milti hai :) bas uske baad zindagi haseein lagti hai :) duniya mein shaayad hi aisa koi zakhm hai jise bhara nahi jaa sakta :) bas thoda sa pyaar, vishwaas, dhher saari hasi aur thaam ne ke liye kam se kam ek haath. . . :)

Ajeeb kashmakash mein hoon main. . .samajh nahi aata ki samjhoon toh kya. . .zindagi ke bahut hi kam rishte hain jinke gatth par purn vishwaas hai :) meri stithi toh vaakai mein daya karne laayak hai. . .aur yeh koi garv ki baat nahi. . .mann main har waqt manthan chal raha hai. . .haan yeh acchi baat hai. . .soch vichaar karna hameshaa accha hota hai. . .vishay chahe jo bhi ho :) aur jab zindagi se samjhota (mujhe samjhota bilkul pasand nahi. . .isliye us mein se ubhar ne ki koshish kar rahi hoon :) ) karne lagi thi, tab ek chhoti si baat meri nazar mein padi aur phir apne un kacche rishton par sawaal utthne lage. . .kya woh waakai mein toot gaye hai? Par dil kabhi jhoot nahi bolta :) aur apne dil ka jawaab jaanti hoon main :) par kuch toh baat hai jo ab bhi khatak rahi hai. . .us sawaal ka jawaab ko khair waqt hi dega :) kabhi hum ummeed ka diya jalaakar khud ko dilaasa dete hain. . .aur kabhi gham ke vishaal kooain mein kood padte hai. . .khair, itna imtehaan liya gaya hai mera, toh thoda aur hi sahi. . .

:) zindagi ke raah par mile kuch ujhle kiran :) woh aaye, apni roshni barsaakar, aage ke raaste ko dikhaakar gaye :) aur phir gaye :) woh kab aate hai, kab jaate hai, yeh koi na jaane :) par iska hum par kya prabhaav padhta hai, yeh toh hum par nirbhar hai :) humaari manostithi par, aur is baat par nirbhar hai ki hum kahaan khade hain :) beech raaste hain, ya kisi mod par khade hain, ya phir ek naya safar shuru hone ko hai :) aur phir humaare andar ki shakti par nirbhar hai. . .kuch log bhagyashaali hain ki unke ghammein unke saathi unhe sahaara dete hai, kuch log apni ladaaimein akele hoti hain, khair sochne waali baat toh yeh hai. . .kya toote hue atma vishwaas ko phir se samet sakte hain hum, kya dil par keeche gaye lakeeron ko mitta sakte hai hum. . .mitta nahi sakte toh kya unhe bhar sakte hai hum? :) Shaayad haan, aur shaayad nahi, par koshish toh kar hi sakte hain :)  insaan tab nahi haarta jab uski koshish asafal hoti hai, insaan tab haarta hai jab woh koshish karna chhod deta hai :) zindagi ki yeh hi toh hai maaya, kabhi dhoop kabhi chhaaya :) dard mittaaya ja sakta hai :) aur isme waqt lagta hai :) har cheez ki apna kaal hota hai :) sab kaam sahi waqt aane par hota hai :) har musibat mein koi bhalaai toh chhupi hoti hai :) aur raat kitni bhi lambi aur gehri kyun na ho, har saanj ka savera hota hai :) yeh baatein sirf kehne ki nahi :) sach mein in baaton par yakeen karti hoon :) aur dheere dheere gham ke kaale baadal hatt te nazar aa rahe hain mujhe :) is dukh mein jo bhalaai chhipi thi woh bhi dikh chuki hai mujhe :) bas ab mann mein shraddha ka bhaav le kar chalte hi jaana hai :)

Ah :) spoke too soon :) here comes d pain :) n there it goes. . .n bk again. . .hmmm :) but I dunno if one has d right 2 complain if one deserves it :P God knows. . .n sadly I don't. . .there's dis fine, really fine strand of thread I'm holdin on2 for dear life :) there were two such strands, one broke. . . :) n now there's one more. . .2 go ultimately. . . :) like I sd, waters unchartered :) never thot I'd land here :) d love's still mine n so r d memories :) but ya things can get better. . . :)

“When fate wronged me, I had not the wisdom to remain cool; I turned desperate; then I degenerated”


Life takes U thru waters U never thot U’d charter :) guess tat’s wat make each person’s lfe so unique. . .one helluva emotional rollercoaster :P joy, sorrow, disappointment, excitement, love, hatred, U name it :P EVERY person’s been thru them all. . .but today I’m experiencin somethin I never thot I would. . .they say love hurts n boy does it or wat :P a lotta hurt, anger, disappointment over a stretch of a coupla days :) but now, I realized somethin. . .wen U love sum1 wid all ur heart n wen tat love’s reached a pinnacle, n wen U feel tat it’s all gone, yes initially U feel hurt n nothin seems right in d world. . .but I felt somethin I never thot I would. . .I’m no longer angry or disappointed. . .I’m feelin light. . .n happy. . .I asked myself if it was relief. . .nope tat’s not it. . .ah. . .it’s d feelin tat d love in ur heart cannot b taken away fm U :) after a point, even if d person U love, whoever it may b, doesn love U in return, worse, hates U in return or breaks ties fm U, it doesn hurt anymore. . .’coz U jus begin 2 love them so much tat there’s no room 4 hatred. . . :) it’s a bittersweet feelin :) it’s like even if say 4 instance d person, ppl, I love were 2 come n beat me up (:P), abuse me n tell me 2 my face tat they don’t want me in their life, I simply cannot hate them :) like one of those puppies tat simply follows even after U ask it 2 go away :P but no, I ain’t gonna follow :) ‘coz tat’d b intrusion. . .especially after U’ve been told 2 give space n U realize how imp tat is. . . :) but I’m fine :) I’ve memories, feelings, emotions tat r mine n here 2 stay. . .let’s all learn to love, love love :) ‘coz as goes a quote I once read, act of love is an act of self evolution even when d purpose of d act is sum1 else’s growth :)

Mere saamne ek baccha chal raha tha. . .aur theekh uske peecche uski maa. . .deewaar ke upar se. . .utni si jagah mein sirf ek aadmi ek waqt par ek paon rakh sakta hai. . .main bhi peecche peecche us hi deewaar par chal rahi thi un dono ke peeche :) aur pata hai maine kya dekha? Ek baccha jo khatron par chal raha tha aur ek maa jo apne bacche ko aisa karne se rokh nahi rahi thi. . .kaisi maa hai woh? Upar se woh apne bacche ka haath bhi nahi pakad rahi thi. . .phir dheere dheere kuch aur bhi dikha. . .baccha har waqt maa ka aanchal pakad kar chal na nahi chahta tha. . . :) woh azaad hona chahta tha. . . :) aur yeh bhi dekha ki jab bhi bacche ke kadam dagmagaaye, maa ne apna haath badhhaaya. . .aur jab bhi bacche ne maa ki madad maangi, maa ne palak jhapakte hi uska haath thaama. . .

Kya us maa ne apna kartawya nibhaaya? :) Kya maa baap ka farz apne bacche ki raksha karna hai, unke liye sahi galat ka faisla karna hai, ya phir unhe har faisle ke bure aur bhale ke baare mein aaga karke, khud ke faisle lene ka adhikaar dena hai. . . ? Aur uske baad agar bacche ka faisla galat nikla toh. . . ? Kya maa baap ko phir bhi uska saath dena chahiye. . . ? Ab bhai faisla toh maa baap leinge toh ab main toh bas itna hi kar sakti hoon is baare mein. . . :P

Ek tha ladka aur ek thi ladki. . .aur. . .aur kya? Aage jo hua so hua. . .par aap ne kya socha? :) prem kahaani? :) Kya har ladka aur ladki ki kahaani sirf prem kahaani hoti hai? :) Kya baat dosti tak seemit nahi reh sakti? :) 'Par shuruwaat toh dosti se hoti hai, aur baat kab aage bad jaaye, logon ko kaano kaan khabar nahi padti', aisa log kehte hai. . .chalo bhai maan liya, kahi baar aisa beshaq hota hoga, lekin har baar aisa ho, aisa kaun si kitaab mein likha hai bhai? :) Kya ek ladke aur ladki ke beech ka rishta dosti acchi dosti nahi ho sakti kya? :) Aur kya har rishte ko naam dena zaroori hota hai? :) Yeh sab mein kyun keh rahi hoon? :) Kyunki dukh ki baat toh yeh hai ki main yeh jin ke liye likh rahi hoon, woh yeh shaayad kabhi naa paddhe :) Bas. . .yuun hi. . .shaayad bhadhaas nikaalni thi. . .ya phir bas mann ki baat kisi ko batani thi. . . :) zyaada kuch kehne ko nahi. . .bas ek fariyaad. . .agli baar ek ladka aur ladki ko ek saath dekhne aur paane par, kuch bhi soch samajhne se pehle bas ek baar un dono se zaroor pooch lena ki unke beech ka rishta aakhir hai kya. . . :) aur naa bhi poocho toh kam se kam unke rishte par, apni marzi ke hisaab se koi bhi mohar mat laga lena. . . :)

I lay on the hospital bed, waiting for the doctor 2 tell me wat I already knew. . .n wat I've already known 4 couple of months now. . .it is but inevitable. . .my arm needs to be amputated. . .it was for the best, said d doctor. . .but I'm d one sufferin d loss. . .hot tears rollin down my cheeks. . .my only source of solace bein d fact tat I've another arm. . .knowin tat it's not over yet. . .life can still move on. . .but nothin 2 replace wat I'm gonna lose. . .n it ain't jus d physical pain. . .of d physical separation. . .it's knowin one day after THE DAY, I'm gonna wake up n realize tat there's somethin of prime importance missin. . .

I've been prepared 4 dis 4 quite a while now. . .n I'm fine most of d tyms, but wen I'm remimded of d impendin sufferin, my eyes brim wid tears in a split second. . .is dis weakness? Is it wrong 2 b immensely attached 2 somethin tat's d very means of ur existence? Where does one draw d line? I dunno. . .I'm not sure whether I'll ever know. . .or ever understand. . .jus holdin on2 every passin moment like it's d ultimate. . .gropin in d dark 2 find somethin 2 stop tym, then turn it bk. . .wantin 2 relive everythin tat's given me immense joy n happiness. . .2 carry me thru d rest of d journey. . .my other arm in place. . .for now. . . :)

Ek pal nahi lagta na zindagi ko khatam karne ke liye? Mauka bhi milta hai. . .gehri chot lagne pa humaare mann mein is tarah ke khayaal aksar aate hain. . .chot do tarah ke hote hai. . .ek jo hamein lagne waali hai, yeh hum jaante hai, aur doosri woh chot jiske lagne se pehle hamein kaano kaan khabar nahi hoti. . .pehli tarah ke chot lagne par dard toh hota hai, par kisi na kisi tarah hum sambhal jaate hain. . .lekin doosre kism ke chot. . .achaanak ek toofaan ki tarah. . .uske aane ka koi bhanak nahi padhti aur jab tak uske aane ka ehsaas hota hai, woh apna kaam kar chuka hota hai. . .haan, waqt ke saath saath woh zakhm bhi bhar jaata hai. . .

Lekin unme se kuch aise hote hai jo kabhi nahi bhar sakte. . .insaan porcelain se bana aisa gudda banke reh jaata jo girke toot gaya ho, waapis jodaa gaya ho, phir bhi usme daraarein hoti hai. . .lekin kya wakai mein har zakhm nahi bhar sakta? Pata nahi. . .kal kisne dekha. . .kya pata jo zakhm hamein aaj itni taqleef de raha hai, kal us hi zakhm ki ek kharonch bhi baaki na rahe? Sirf khud ko sambhaalna zaroori aur honsle aur ummeed ke saath aage badhna. . .par haan, agar koi haath thaamne waala ho toh safar aur bhi aasaan ho jaata hai :) pyaar insaan ko bahut taaqat deta hai. . .khush hoon ki meri zindagi mein pyaar aur saath hai :) zindagi haath se nikal nikalte reh gayi. . . :)

Ek poori zindagi ko do hisson mein baatna padh raha hai. . .ek hissa jo duniya dekh na chahti hai. . .aur doosra hissa, meri apni zindagi :) main kya pehenti hoon, kya khaati hoon, kya paddhti hoon, kahaan paddhti hoon to kahi log jaante hai, lekin main kya sochti hoon, kya chahti hoon, kin logon ko pasand karti, kis tarah ke logon ko pasand karti hoon, kya karna chahti hoon, meri nazar mein azaadi kya hai, yeh sab bahut kam log jaante hain :) nahi, jo nahi jaante, unse koi shikve gile nahi :) bilkul bhi nahi :) kyunki aisa nahi hai ki meri taraf se bhi hamesha koshish rahi hai kisi doosre ko jaan ne ke liye. . .lekin jo jaante hain, unhe to mujh se juda na karo. . .

Is duniya mein do tarah ke log hain. . .ek jo sach jaante hain aur use apnate hain aur doosre woh jo sach to dekh kar nazarandaaz karte hai. . .chhote chhote maamuli maamlon mein nahi, main zindagi ki baat kar rahi hoon. . .mere liye yeh maan na mushkil hai ki log sach nahi jaante. . .log sach dekh na nahi chahte hai. . .aankhon par rangeen chashme pehen kar duniya ko apne aankhon se bhi nahi, apne chashmo se dekhte hain :) doosron ke nazariye se dekhna to door ki baat hai :) kabhi kabhi ghussa aata hai kuch aise logon par, lekin usse zyaada taras aata hai. . .apni duniya se baahar aa kar agar woh dekhein to unhe shaayad yeh ehsaas ho jaaye ki kya unki zindagi mein kisi cheez ki kami hai ya nahi. . .

Duniya se bhale hi ladhna padhe, jhagad na padhe, lekin apni zindagi ko zinda rakhoongi, bhale hi usse zameen ke neeche gaadhna padhe, par udhar se bhi usse saans lena sikhaaongi :)

Nobody deserves 2 b Atlas. . .wat's d point if he's a God? A person forced 2 carry d world's burden, not even his own, has no value, no respect even if he's doin a herculean task. . .nobody deserves 2 b burdened. . .n tat too burdened wid wat? Expectations, compromises, sacrifices, 'moral' codes, societal norms. . .living ONLY 4 others can b like slow poison. . .oh no it won't kill U instantly, no not every1's tat lucky. . .it kills U bit by bit. . .it kills U n U kill urself everyday on account of all dis. . .where does d 'I' cum in d picture? Is there an 'I' at all? Listen, yes V must listen 2 wat others have 2 say, listen 2 it n respect, but don't agree at d cost of ur person bein crushed like d grass beneath sum1's feet. . .

You can't make every1 happy, so whom do U please? D 'authorities', society? Wait. . .is there sum1 imp missin fm d list. . .sum1 who's d closest 2 U. . .yes there is. . .d person in my mirror :) if she can't b happy, then there's no way she can help me 2 make others happy. . . I need her 2 b happy, she deserves 2 b happy, every1 does, but she deserves 2 b d happiest person in my life 'coz she's been wid me all my life, thru thick n thin, thru EVERYTHIN. . . I owe her happiness d most :)

R U not capable of bein U? R U not responsible enuf 2 b U? Do U not respect or love urself enuf 2 jus b urself n follow ur heart? If U do, then jus b U. . .

Kehte hai ki nadi ke do kinaare kabhi nahi milte, isliye ek kinaare se doosre kinaare tak jaane ke liye ya to ek pul ya phir ek naav ki zaroorat hai. . .ek kinaara doosre ko nahi pehchaanta. . . lekin agar nadi hi sookh jaaye to? Kehne ko to nadi kahi logon ke liye faydamant hai, lekin agar woh ganda, apavitr ho? Aur agar naa bhi ho, lekin isse kisi ko koi faydaa na ho to kya phir bhi yeh zaroori hai? Uske sookh jaane se do kinaare mil jaaye, kya isme koi bhaalai nahi?

Log kahenge hi ki niyati ke khilaaf mat jao. . .uske apne kaayde kanoon hai, unki mariyaada to mat laango. . .dono kinaare ek doosre ko roz dekhte hai, phir bhi mil nahi paate. . .bhale hi apne aap mein ek doosre se alag ghut ghut kar rahe, phir bhi, nadi to rahegi aur us hi disha mein bahegi jis disha mein sadiyon se behti aa rahi hai. . .'ulti Ganga mat bahao' kehte hai log, lekin Ganga hi na rahe to? Aasaan to nahi, nadi ek din mein thodi na sookhti hai, sadiyon lag jaate hai, par shuruwaat to kabhi na kabhi karni hogi na. . .aisi ek nahi kahi nadiyaan hai, jinka koi faydaa nahi. . .dheere dheere in sab ko sookhna hoga, taaki kinaare mil jaaye. . .

Do panchi ek daal ke

Ek samajdaar, doosra natkhat
Ek junoon se bhara, doosra pyaar se
Ek main hai aatmavishwaas, doosre mein antargyaan
Ek hase, doosra hasaaye
Ek ko kitaabon se lagaav, aur doosra unke paas na jaaye
Lekin phir hai woh sang sang

Milkar lade zindagi ke jung
Yaari ho to aisi, inhe dekh kar duniya kahe
Saada yeh ek daal ke panchi rahe

Jaane kaise aa gayi is zindagi mein,
Aur laayi isme bahaar
Haule haule iska hissa ban kar,
Layi khushiyon ki puhaar

Jo baatein aaj tak daabakar rakhi,
Unhe bolne ka mauka diya sakhi
Aur mann mein thi jo bhi paheli,
Unhe hamesha suljhaaya saheli

Ise meri sthuti na samjho,
Waakai mein abhaari hoon main,
Tumhare jaise ucch vichaar ke insaan
Aaj kal milte kahaan hain?

Shukriya dost :)

D camp's not called Manthan 4 nothing. . .churning of d mind, introspection. . .a once in lifetime experience. . .a lotta things I didn realize, those tat completely missed my notice abt myself, abt ppl around me, all came 2 me, my perceptions of certain things took a 180 degrees turn. . .better late than never I'd say. . .there was a lotta sharing, grp activities, individual ones too, all had a purpose n all gave me answers 2 questions I asked n 2 those I didn. . .d memories of d ppl at d camp, d classes, d food, late night chats, DC n antakshari, d activities n ofcourse, d two month old pup donut :) :) :) , I'll cherish all these 4 as long as I live. . .a big thanks 2 Ali, Raja, Asha, Sapna, Kanmani, Nalini n every single person at d camp who made it really spl. . .thanks Ramu. . .thanks Garfield :)

Zindagi dete rahe chaahe kitne bhi sitam,
Kya sab haas haas ke sahoge tum?
Kya kabhi rone ka mann nahi karta?
Kya har baar har zakhm hai bharta?

Hoton par to hai ek hasi,
Par usme bhi jaane kitni hai khushi
Lekin logon se banaakar khaas rishte,
Ban jaate ho unke farishte

Insaaniyat ka badhaakar haath,
Dete ho humdard sa saath
Yeh rishtaa hai khaas zaroor
Ise dosti kehte hai huzur!

Sirf kuch daanton ki kami hai!

4 a tubelight like me, d presence of dear friends is not only a pleasure n a luxury, it's a necessity! They tell me things abt myself I didn know, didn realize, denied even. . .ya, 4 my level of self awareness, God I need such ppl!. . .my friends, philosophers, guides, ego boosters (oh big tym!), teachers, my 'crushometers'! N it's amazin how they've brought out d best in me, yes, they didn jus c it, they BROUGHT it out. . .pull it out fm depths it'd been pushed into, deliberately n otherwise. . .they give meanin n direction 2 my life, make me think (read as RITS- Ramya Induced Thinking Syndrome!) abt a lotta things tat missed my notice. . .thanks ain't big enuf a word ppl. . .

N there's d other side. . .I have sumwhere been unfair 2 them, very unfair. . .they're a part of my life, but how much do they know abt it? I was aware of dis even before, never gave it much thot, now another short circuit, another RITS goin on in d head, I don wanna leave dis world an 'unknown' person, literally so 2 speak. . .ppl have d right 2 know me n they've d right 2 know d person they've dun so much 4. . .they will, tat's a promise, n I'll fulfil it. . . I need jus a li'l tym, startin trouble U c, but it's gonna happen, I'll make it happen, tat's a promise. . .

Log kehte hain ki yeh kalyug hai. . .aur har mazhab ke granth mein, har shastron mein likha hai ki is kalyug mein ek farishta, ek maseeha aayega, Bhagwaan ka is dharti par doosra janam, vagera vagera. . .kuch log is baat ko maante hai, kuch is par vishwas nahi karte. . .lekin main naahi is par vishwas karti hoon, par maine Bhagwaan ke doosre avtaar ko dekha hai, ekdum Jesus ki tarah. . .dikhne mein daaddi mooch ke saath, gora rang, lamba kad, bacchon si muskuraahat. . .aur unke karam, ek tarah se karishma hi karte hain. . .logon se baatein karte, unke dil ke zakhmon ko bharte hai, unhe jeena ki vajah dete hai. . .maano ek jadoo ki chhadi le kar sab ko theekh karte hai. . .haan, lekin woh insaan hain, koi jaadugar nahi. . .apni lagan se bina chhuye logon ki madad karte aur unke dilon ko is tarah chhute hai ki insaan dang reh jaata hai. . .yeh aadmi ya to Bhagwaan ke roop mein insaan hai, ya phir insaan ke roop mein Bhagwaan. . .

Ek baat ka dukh to hamesha rahega. . .duniya mein kahi log inhe jaanenge, lekin unhe kareeb se jaanane ka bhagya kabhi nahi hoga mujhe. . .sab ki madad karte hain, lekin unki taaqat kaun hain, main nahi jaan paayoongi. . .khair, ek meethe sapne ki tarah, ek sundar haaqeeqat ki tarah, unhe hamesha apni yaadon mein, apne dil mein sanjhoye rakhoongi. . .